Terrible Correspondent

And I swore I would not be one of those blog people who start to taper off in posting. No, no! I will write new updates at least once per week, maybe more, if my mind allows. I've read other blogs in earnest only to discover the posts becoming fewer and farther between with maybe a six month post and then not another one until the obligatory "One Year Post Op" write up. Usually around then the blogger will note that the blog had run its course and no longer serves the purpose for which it was started. Right about now is where I might say the same and offer a conciliatory goodbye, thanks for reading, I'm done with this now. But I'm not going to let you off that easy. I'm going to make you read more.

The three month mark came and went as I was both winding down from my flyover state driving tour with mom and briefly lamenting the fact that after the recent birthday I've become very technically "In my Forties," as opposed to being simply 40. There is a difference.

From time to time I bump into someone I haven't seen or talked to in several months and they kind of do a double take and ask "Um ... How ARE you?" My standard response is that I'm doing very well, considering my current physical state. I've struggled recently with the whole notion of the concept of "recovery" because one does not recover from this surgery, one adapts. Recovery implies a return to the prior state of being and that just isn't going to happen for me. This is the "New Normal" I often refer to.

I feel terrible after eating, pretty much all the time. I can't really call it nausea because to me, nausea is a feeling of wanting or needing to vomit. I don't feel that. The feeling I get is not quite pain, not quite bloating. It's just this persistent all encompassing yuk-ness that has no other name. I still think I'm eating too much at any given time. Probably a combination of my being paranoid about not getting enough nutrients and not paying attention to how much I am eating.

I haven't developed much of a routine because my day is not structured the same as it would be if I say, had a full time job that offered good benefits and opportunity for advancement. So I'm wary of establishing said routine for fear that some kind of life change will affect it adversely, thus throwing my system and health out of whack. (At least that's what I keep telling myself as I procrastinate on the whole eating routine thing while I look for a job). Plus it's so darn hard! Never in a million years would I have thought that properly eating and drinking throughout the course of the day would actually be work.

I've started to have some pain around the incision. I didn't feel anything for the longest time; it was completely numb around the scar for months. The incision itself has healed well and properly but I guess now that the nerves are reconstructing themselves, they're kind of saying, "Heyyyyy, what happened? Ouch! I think we were severed! That's supposed to HURT! What the . . . " So now they're sending pain messages to the brain. Little late my dendrites, little late.

Now that things have settled down, I hope to write a little more to keep everyone up to date on my recovery adaptability!