Social Fatigue

Definitely the longest stretch between posts, huh? You would think that the awful picture attached to the last post would have been enough incentive for me to write more in order to push that photo quickly from the top and front page of this blog. Sheesh!

Well the truth is that I don't want to bore everyone to death with the minutiae of my life. I mean people can only take so much, "Ate breakfast. Felt like crap but much better after I lay down for a bit. Ate Lunch. Felt like crap but ...," so I'm sure you understand.

With the holiday season upon us, everyone's social schedule gets a bit fuller. The December calendar tends to reach full capacity before Thanksgiving even rolls around. For me, the simple act of socializing presents itself with an unusual and, given my past as a bartender at a high-energy establishment, ironic dilemma.

It exhausts me. Completely. Yep, just sitting in a bar and trying to hold a conversation over the din of the crowd, sports on TV and especially live or loud music, is enough to send me to bed early where I'll sleep away half the next day. Simply talking to someone for more than a few minutes causes me to lose my breath and forces me into a state of quiet apprehension.

Recently I attended an informal meet up of fellow high school graduates from the 80's at a local bar. I discovered to my dismay that this reluctance to engage in animated conversation, combined with my increasingly common short-term memory loss which sometimes causes me to trail off in the middle of ...

Wait. What? Anyway, I realized that I can come off as abrupt, anti-social and rude. Especially when I just up and leave without the fanfare of impassioned great-to-see-yous and goodbyes and well wishes (though truth be told, hasty and quiet exits have always been part of my repertoire). But the fact is now I'm just exhausted and forgetful and I need to find someplace quiet to rest.

I had been out of the hospital after surgery for about a month when I attended my first social function. It was a low key affair, drinks and appetizers at someone's house, then off to the bar for the kids to get a bit more rowdy. I thought it was probably a bit to soon for me to be going out and indeed was at the bar for only a short time before I realized I couldn't keep up with the music and shouting and movement. It was all just so overwhelming.

That was over a year ago, but I still feel the same way about bars and parties and noise. Shouting a conversation in the ear of a friend I'm practically standing on top of because the place is so crowded used to be activity in which I preferred to not engage. Now, from a physical standpoint, it is essential for me to avoid such situations. It requires a certain energy that I can no longer muster.

Small, intimate gatherings are more my speed as are places that aren't so loud. The biggest upside to going out is that I'm such a cheap date. Considering I can't eat or drink as much as I used to, the bill is always manageable for me, which is nice. Cheers!