The Weight of it All

I bought a scale the other day. I'm not a scale person. It's been over ten years since I owned one. Probably because I knew I was carrying a lot of extra weight and didn't want to be reminded of that fact. Who needs a scale to do what a mirror can do? Women are very sensitive about the weight they gain during pregnancy, especially when their "baby" is 12 years old.

The problem I will start having in the next few months and continuing for years, forever maybe, is that I don't want to end up losing too much weight. I know, right, it seems almost sickening. While most people struggle to shed pounds, I will have to be vigilant that I don't lose too many. Some for the first time may be finally understanding that the title "Latest Skinny" has another meaning other than news update.

My surgeon said that people lose 20-30 pounds after this surgery and any more than that would be dangerous as patients become underweight. I wanted to gently remind her that I was about 50 pounds overweight pre-surgery and I wouldn't be starting to worry unless 60 or more pounds are dropped.

At my first appointment after surgery, I was weighed and had lost 18 pounds in three weeks. That's not too bad. And for right now I'm hovering in that same spot, which is good. Too rapid of weight loss brings a host of other medical complications with it that I would like no part of. I've been told that the most rapid loss won't occur until a few months in. I'm unclear as to why this is and have been meaning to study up on it. My best guess is that at first the body will hoard the fat and compensate for the lack of calories and nutrients being ingested by simply making the body very tired and unable to get out of bed, especially when there's a "Top Chef" marathon on TV. But then after a while it just gives up and realizes that nothing is going to change so it had better start burning off the stored fuel in order to keep functioning. But that's just a guess. Some of my nurse or medical professional friends may be able to refute or deny this.

The other side of the equation is exercise. I had been dabbling in yoga for several years but had never maintained a regular practice. Even still I had somewhat of a routine of a few stretches I would do before getting out of bed most days. I realized one recent morning that I haven't been doing them and my hamstrings are screaming.

My biggest fear with the weight loss is that as my body begins to cannibalize itself for fuel, it will start taking the muscle first and not the fat. So I need to start some simple stretching and weight lifting to save my muscles from complete atrophy. But of course, for any kind of physical activity, I need to be getting enough appropriate nutrients. Again a challenge. It's hard to do any kind of exercise, like stretching, walking or laundry, without enough energy to sustain oneself.

Then there's the abs. My abs are totally ripped. Well, actually, they've been sliced by a scalpel. So at least I can say they are "cut," right? I think they cut along the connective tissue but I'm not sure. In any case, they have to get at the organs underneath the muscles somehow, right? I've been told it can take up to a year for these muscles to heal completely; the specifics are on my list of questions to ask the surgeon at my next appointment. You know all that "engage your core" you've been hearing in pilates class for the last 10 years? Yeah, I can't do any of that. And no heavy lifting either. I'll run the risk of a hernia or even permanent damage. And I don't want to jeopardize my future as an abdominal model.

I get on this scale almost every day. I'm pretty sure it's broken because it's cheap and it doesn't function the same way it did when I first got it out of the box. Right now I'm holding pretty steady with a fluctuation of +/- 3 pounds. It's the time when I get on one day and find myself down five pounds from the day before, then the next day another three and the next day another four, that's when I'll be in trouble. That's the day when the old me, who would be jumping for joy, will be tempered by the new me, who will be very concerned and start consulting medical texts and scouring the shelves of GNC for some miracle product that will help me gain weight. And the old me will want to smack the new me. But that's just how it goes.